saw me on the television

you saw the half of it.

he gives and he takes away: and I break-down.

I have to hold it All. Until I die.Until the Earth ends. 

Until my bones break from the weight.

Every sign says to kill it.

Every warning says to end it. 

That is why I hold it. 

The Idle Knife. The Empty Pistol.

The bullet feels so light to everyone who claims they've felt it. 

But they don't know the weight of it. 

How could they in the first place?

In lou if it all being more than I can bare

I will keep it like a secret.

I will cling to it just as it clings to me.

It haunts me in hallways. 

It crushes me daily. 

It follows me home and takes its place 

in my room-

above my bed

under my pillow 

then into my mind

It travels into my soul and

sinks deep into my bones.

Lord,

my God

you give

and you take away

but this time

the loss feels like a mistake

the pressure

the heartache

the earthquake

was I the one meant to break?

i don't wanna know...

So I'll begin not to love you...
Turn around, you'll see me runnin'
I'll say I loved you years ago...
And tell myself you never loved me....No.....

the road with the echo

i can't take it
you're pushing too hard
the screaming is constant
my nerves are shot
those feelings are gone
they were-
shot dead.
and yes,
for awhile they lied here
still,
inside me.
weighty like dead animals

my garden turned new colors
every second of the day
my eyes grew wider
my skin lighter
then darker
then pale 
pale as pale can be
much like the white one might see
before you reach eternity.
the noise continues
and as for me:
all that's left now is bones
percing the
wounds
and
places
of
what was once alive inside my 
being
now everything is dead

and a faint voice is down the road far off in the distance 
he keeps screaming something about
hope
so i mark down the word
hope
inside my notebook
and i wait for his screams to come again
perhaps this whole thing
is not about me.