Pain waits

 Imagine what pain says.

I’ll keep in touch.

I’ll write from inside your bones.

I’ll leave messages in your blood.

Pain waits.

Pain waits.

Pain waits.

For the pills to stop.

For the fog to lift.

For the truth you have to find

for yourself first.

Pain is patient.

It watches you swallow

and swallow

and swallow.

It watches you build soft little coffins

out of denial.

Pain waits.

The pain I refused to feel

dug in its heels.

And so did I.

I stopped screaming

like a woman on fire.

I learned a quieter trick.

I became a shell.

A bed.

A lie.

A woman hovering

between living and leaving.

A woman

refusing to live

and refusing

to die.

the sickness

All I wanted from you,

Was a man staring back at me 
like I was something he couldn't lose

So I rolled the dice

walked from The Chelsea Hotel to 159th

the years go by

i run,

you do not follow.

and just as the tears have dried

you come back

with a heavy sentiment

like the past was just a dream,like its not 2016

you confess that you still miss me,

with a familiar tenderness

you are dancing around our memories
like its holy ground

you begin to glorify my

humaness
and i remember this feeling
the pressure to be all that you want me to be
the idea
you challange me to shrink once more

i digress 

i think how in the world

is it you?

how did you come back to me?

is it fate or the way broken hearts form this addiction to pain

am i to be the villain in your narrative?

could you only be with me when i was sick

and young and crying all the time

now that i am strong

you seem to be unsure