Showing posts with label lost love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lost love. Show all posts
fire
i tried to recall all of you that night
the moon turned red
the world stopped
then sped and sped
a hollow face
with pink undertones
i was so warm
you always said
and
i was turning red
because your touch was like kerosene
and my blood was lit up
with your very presence
standing in the driveway
father to daughter
the showdown of all showdowns
and i fear
the very thought of
the line in the sand
but that night the line was all that I had
it has taken me almost 2 months
to remember everything
i thought i knew that night
the last time i saw you
i barley smiled i just stared at you blankly
told you "i'll see you in awhile.'
next time I see you i'll be older than i am tonight
colder
don't wait
i kept saying
go away
and i wish i could
i wish it was me
on the plane
holding the passport
being pushed away
i wish it was me
on the other end of the line
hearing those words
i spoke that cut me
more than they cut you
still i wish it was me
holding a passport
leaving this country
instead
i cried so much to think someone could love me
after you left
i didn't speak
i wouldn't eat and I couldn't breathe-
i just felt dead
i cried even more that night in my bed
days go by and i stay cold
and i stay dead.
the moon turned red
the world stopped
then sped and sped
a hollow face
with pink undertones
i was so warm
you always said
and
i was turning red
because your touch was like kerosene
and my blood was lit up
with your very presence
standing in the driveway
father to daughter
the showdown of all showdowns
and i fear
the very thought of
the line in the sand
but that night the line was all that I had
it has taken me almost 2 months
to remember everything
i thought i knew that night
the last time i saw you
i barley smiled i just stared at you blankly
told you "i'll see you in awhile.'
next time I see you i'll be older than i am tonight
colder
don't wait
i kept saying
go away
and i wish i could
i wish it was me
on the plane
holding the passport
being pushed away
i wish it was me
on the other end of the line
hearing those words
i spoke that cut me
more than they cut you
still i wish it was me
holding a passport
leaving this country
instead
i cried so much to think someone could love me
after you left
i didn't speak
i wouldn't eat and I couldn't breathe-
i just felt dead
i cried even more that night in my bed
days go by and i stay cold
and i stay dead.
woman(ly) things
my heart the typewriter
my mind the ink pen
has come alive again!
(in the feminine sense)
he is taking his time
i wonder if he can ever hear me?
typing out:
my god,how perfect you are
when he speaks:
flowers fall from the sky,they fall perfectly..
forming:
a floral crown,a romantic anointing.
gold on gold
pale on soul.
no matter the weight of our
dialogue
your speech
your mouth
your spirit
your heavy gaze
your full moon eyes
become a discovery
night by night
he
the hidden manuscript
hidden away,heavy,sweet.
we
ghost to ghost
the
rambling ways
of a typewriter brain.
WHEN THE WIND KNOCKS YOU OVER
The Walkmen "While I Shovel The Snow" from Jake Davis on Vimeo.
well they say can't please everyone
but i'm stuck on a winning streak
well today there's clarity
and tonight i see tomorrow
all at once the winter's here
all the lochs are frozen over
as i look in back of me
see a shape beside the walkway
half of my life i've been watching
half of my life i've been waking up
birds in the sky could warn me
there's no life like the snow life.
past present past present
it already has
changed me forever.
a sense of loss
the
sickness and stillness:
could produce a bitter,ugly,miserable person and even though i am very cautious right now and quiet and reserved i know there is a purpose for it all.
i told someone the other day that the last 6 months has felt like 6 months of being pregnant. not literally but spiritually and even emotionally.
you shift
you have to change your environment
your life
your priorities
you have to protect whatever it is that is growing inside you.
i am focused and serious and I've calmed down and decided to just be silent.
Something is growing deep down inside of me
I am not so sure what it is or what the purpose is but I know its going to be born one day soon and it will have legs of its own and a heart beat and a life and it will be bigger than anything my imagination could think up.
I've never considered myself to be an ambitious person,honestly.
life happens one moment at a time. one moment happens and then the next season appears just when it should and you adjust and you pack up and you leave a little bit of your heart in a different country or city and I have left a little bit of my heart with ex boyfriends and old friends. and i will always love them. and i will always remember the good parts. i have mourned and i have wept and pleaded with god to bring them back to me. and perhaps one day they will come back,but i know after this year i will never be the same. and i hope the best for all my past loves and everyone really that I've ever known. i want them to love themselves and love the examined life because it is so delicate and fragile and it is important,everyday is...a chance to see with a new set of eyes.
this is lesson I'm in the middle of. its a very long lecture. its a meditation. its still. some days i break down and i don't think i can take it anymore. but i know and trust one day this "Baby" will be born and one day things will change. one day i won't be sick. and ....one day the sun will come out and life will have a new pace. but the core of who i am.and the god that i love. and the desire to live a life that is not a selfish one remains and hopefully grows stronger and taller each day.
changed me forever.
a sense of loss
the
sickness and stillness:
could produce a bitter,ugly,miserable person and even though i am very cautious right now and quiet and reserved i know there is a purpose for it all.
i told someone the other day that the last 6 months has felt like 6 months of being pregnant. not literally but spiritually and even emotionally.
you shift
you have to change your environment
your life
your priorities
you have to protect whatever it is that is growing inside you.
i am focused and serious and I've calmed down and decided to just be silent.
Something is growing deep down inside of me
I am not so sure what it is or what the purpose is but I know its going to be born one day soon and it will have legs of its own and a heart beat and a life and it will be bigger than anything my imagination could think up.
I've never considered myself to be an ambitious person,honestly.
life happens one moment at a time. one moment happens and then the next season appears just when it should and you adjust and you pack up and you leave a little bit of your heart in a different country or city and I have left a little bit of my heart with ex boyfriends and old friends. and i will always love them. and i will always remember the good parts. i have mourned and i have wept and pleaded with god to bring them back to me. and perhaps one day they will come back,but i know after this year i will never be the same. and i hope the best for all my past loves and everyone really that I've ever known. i want them to love themselves and love the examined life because it is so delicate and fragile and it is important,everyday is...a chance to see with a new set of eyes.
this is lesson I'm in the middle of. its a very long lecture. its a meditation. its still. some days i break down and i don't think i can take it anymore. but i know and trust one day this "Baby" will be born and one day things will change. one day i won't be sick. and ....one day the sun will come out and life will have a new pace. but the core of who i am.and the god that i love. and the desire to live a life that is not a selfish one remains and hopefully grows stronger and taller each day.
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