YOU LIKE YOUR GIRLS INSANE.

basic notes on the subject of__________
include: these long neon nights
they always were so friendly to my 
pupils my pulse my heart energy 
passing it to others who
carry alot of hurt on their face and backs and arms
and i humbly confess i can feel pain that is not my own
the hated,the loudest one at the table,the isolated man who asks me
what planet i came from and you have nothing to say back but you do get a chance to breathe properly
the lows of waking up 
excepting the feeling that he is saying:
she the "naive"
  - to what?
 electricity? 
                       what feelings feel like 
within one week
never let me go
desert island
hospital sweaters
then there is
the eek of an ocean
just looming
wasn't killing anything 
not even the fire-
THE fire that let us down,the fire that promised us the universe, leaving us
addicted to the high of something bright like a north star that would bring us to read or leave a country for good.
                                  (months go by.)


the eek was lying
the fire looked almost anemic
i look pale
you are silent
both(separately) are just looking at the moon
because you are starved 
for communication with
something constant
and nightly we both just ask it:
"why aren't we even breathing?"
                               (my final thoughts of this 2yr time frame is...)


When the quiet or even the chaos drives you mad
remember that you are sound and the word mad is a curse word.
So yes,neon nights and the want of the ocean felt like love
...but
What you feel is not always reality and what you fear you will end up serving.
(and the very idea of slavery should make you sick if not you are most likely,literally.....sick.)
i have written a thousand love letters that were actually feeling letters 
and now i know the difference. 
if you stay in the dark all of your life you will never learn to see properly.
turn on the lights,i promise you,THEN you will feel free.
don't be a slave to your own mind and don't be afraid of your weak memory.

riff raff

will you stop erasing all these dark circles!!
from
beneath my eyelids
will you stop brushin out my hair
and coloring my cheeks with all this rouge
and all this pink
maybe she liked swiiming alone
in that murky water
with mystical creatures dancing with the tips of her feet
and heels
and toes
and bones

and face!




mix it mix it mix it up up upppppp

i kept putting in the pot
all the things
like shoes and ladders and screams and phones
i mixed it up so sweet
all this for you
all these potions for free.



my circles were getting bigger and bigger
maybe they wanted to explode?

i just would sit there in that park
or in that ocean
and listen to the same thing
the same thing
the same thing
the same thing

this never got old.


i could listen to the heart beat
of all those hollow evenings and
symmetrical bow ties and bow trees

indian style
or jumping jacks
as long as there was a movement involved
we could at least
e-volve

into the evlotuion we were set out to take part in


whole.

its not like i have a choice in being born

i hate how people always ask me to have all these answers

last time i checked i dont know everything



last time i checked i reached inside my pockets and just found some coins from my last treck to the czech
and then maybe a necklace that was golden
worth millions of precious things



it dosent even matter
i was so annoyed with your pretention
of parties and french poetry

gross.



if i see those pants one more time
on any man
or any woman

i sweare i will sneeeebeieie


my roots grew out
my eyes grew black
my heart grew big


yep. thats where it is.
there is no more
there is no less
thats where it is.
thats where its at.