don't look down at the grave as you bury it.


        
         lacking psychical contact 

           there is no more love here not a drop     
 i  
      sit in public places for a fix 
      the imitation of life 
      bodies i am here for the bodies .
      i am invisible then a person speaks to me 
     and the room it changes it's pace and then the person
     goes away and i am alone again
    again
              there is no love here
  you gotta go where there is love a place filled with people that know you are in town 
      
               eyes don't seem that pretty my skin looks strange and new i hate looking in the mirror who the hell is this woman why  can days get like this it seems cruel/unsafe 
        i read once that traumatic events  big or small physical trauma or emotional trauma and sadness can ruin you forever and i worry about that now as in right now

         thinking of absolutely 0 romances 
                trained myself to forget past memories
   even the good ones 
     in hopes of making new ones 
                                  
i can't even bare to imagine new ones
i can't even imagine to be in love again
there is no face i daydream about
no thrill no chase
there is a tombstone i visit on good days

i don't feel sorry for myself but i do feel alone and sad
sad because i can see clearly my entire life so far 
the weight 
the worth 
the impact of all things 

when you continually make a point to live in the present 
or live in the woods or pitch a thin tent or live on a small boat in the middle of an ocean and you are constantly at work with coffins (inside of every coffin is every man that has ever loved me,every night I have wanted to live forever and ment it( even spoke it out loud) any good thing about me i bury it because i feel that i am terrible and cold too sick too cold to far away to be loved
i am hopeful but not naive enlightened and i know that it means nothing i spend my time in this stupid graveyard its mostly busy work and they pay is nothing

cold and frigid i forget what its like to even hug someone i promise you i forget what its like to make someone happy.

it could all seem selfish but what is the opposite and what do you think is "better"? people actually convince themselves that they are really living if they can numb themselves if they can stop their brains from growing they just wrap themselves up/ as a whole inside a person that doesn't understand the concept of love,a person that is not ambitious that doesn't know how to learn,that doesn't want to learn these people are stupid and silly and it seems like they can distract us from actually feeling what we should be feeling. 
feeling the way i do now is important and i know it.

being sick almost over a year now i repeat
there is no magic potion
natural healing isn't magic by the way
there is someone who decides when i move or when i sit
when i listen and when i speak
someone 
i can hear everyones thoughts always and its awful
alot of bad thoughts 
most of the time everyone is self seeking and harsh with soot inside
most everyone is selfish and most everyone doesn't get the point of it.

the weird part is there is a lack of smell 
from the graveyard 
the coffins are scentless

think about it