my mouth

the memory, the lack of memory, the silence, the conversation, the unknown, the knowing, the hiding, the revealing, telling too much, not telling enough, the kissing, the not kissing, waking up next to him, waking up not next to him, the hurting, the healing, the giving of knowledge,the lack of knowledge, the jealousy, the power, idleness, manic, too fast, faster, the life story, his dreams, I'm neurotic, my reality, your non reality, my mouth, my stubborn nature, your anger, your ways. I'm sick, you're healthy, the year my body stopped working, you never called, am I good alone or terrible alone, is this normal, the companionship that was conditional, can you be my friend and still kiss me, tell me what I want, don't let me do this, walk away, stay there, my pale skin, only night gowns, your strong arms, you won't touch me, I'm so sick, my whole body, you hate me, what if I'm dying, will you ever want me,all the healthy girls, all the strong girls, why am I so weak, all the words ive saved for you, the mystery I don't want to keep, I'm not sad, I'm only weak. The year that took me, the silence, the non waiting, the loneliness I am welcoming, the never ending, the ..., we are still so young. The hope that carries, the hope that continues, the hope without a face. The faith that was stable. The sea inside me, the waves I'm used to, the understanding,the confusion.the human heart,the supernatural organ, the wilderness I'll walk through, with you, not with you.  I am not too young I am not too old.