yearn.

there is no feeling in my bones
there is just this aching-
i am
 screaming. from my eyes
bleeding through my shirt
exposing
blue blood,red blood,black blood
clots
in my skin. in your stride. i wait. i burn. i cry.
a tradeoff of no kind. a love,all mine,all hers,all ours,never mine,just yours.
the give,the take:
ten steps back
the heartbreak.

what cracks do you see in the sun room?
will we die.will i notice it in time.
not even my heart
pauses
for pain. baby.


i have nothing to give you
but pain
I have nothing to promise
no love to exchange.

i imagine how i was
the words,the skin,the touch
i imagine it to be honest
yet i refuse to remember:
something remarkable.

i recall the ways i bled
in a notebook
through these verses,on your arm
in the sky,i wrote you
to leave me to the trees

the beehive,the gathering,the brotherhood.
the magic you never
touched
nor understood

to my next heart
i am sorry
for all the ways
i bleed
i love
my bones-are weary
they will:
break
oh
and yearn.