when we are bent away from familiarity and find ourselves indulging in things like gaudy cocktail rings and red tea we often discover how well we adapt to awakward silences around the table;how much I hate waiting for the bill to arrive, the way i often act too forward with strangers in the best possible way.
Fatima often dreamend with a blueish green sheet over her lens. Often times when people dream they discover some kind of deeply hidden desire about themselves,your tossing and turning and screaming at the top of you lungs and no sound comes out because your in a dream,you idiot,and your well aware but you still scream. the best part of Fatimas day was the part where it didn't start yet. she looked prettier in the morning,without all the hairspray and eyeliner and self tanner on her face,actually most women do...look better without all that mess on there face. if you think about it the only reason women really do where makeup is because its the mask they have to hide behind everyday because it is expected from others. life is about pleasing others no matter how much you scream you are self absorbed,everything we do is for the service of others. I'm meeting him now,i have to make a good impression because,i need to look handsome ,tonight. Masks reveal more more of who fatima is then her plain face. she is un even and scary. scary uneven fatima. i love Halloween.
Francis was crazy. once when he was 3 months old he publicly declared himself crazy. there is no proof of this but we like to think its true sometimes at parties because it makes a good story to tell a crowd of stranger " yeah onetime I knew this dumb baby that claimed he was crazy" the thing about dumb babies is they don't know how to speak. the thing about Francis is he is 27 and keeps falling into the same routine. wake up write it down pray it still sounds good in the morning. should i get a tattoo today ? should i not ?should i crack the egg from the top bottom or the side?
eggs are eggs.
what i've learned from ink pens is writing your thoughts for others screams louder than over sharing with your mouth. my mother always used to say" people always wanna talk about themselves" and i always wanna talk about oceans. which is why my sign should of been water,but its fire instead. go figure.thanks god. thanks mom. thanks match box pleasure.
francis hates astrology.
On tuesday there is half price acrylic paint and catfish on the same street,4th street and you have to get there before noon and leave early so you don't get caught in traffic and call ahead for reservations because its a really trendy restaurant and lets pray and hope and fast that they have valet. francis lived alone. he moved to Istanbul to escape the war in the uninted states in the year 2006 the war between all 13 of his personalities & his main personality/persona,really brutal. only a few survivors. luckily the best ben survied.
the thing about living by yourself is you have to remind yourself to keep going.... the thing about sundays is you don't wanna get out of bed because your mother wont be in the kitchen making eggs even though you just dreamend it. the thing about dreaming is each morning you wake up hating yourself for being so venerable. because maybe francis is a vegan but he still dreams about eggs.and his mother. and hes sorry he never appreciated them. the eggs with ketchup on the side.
eggs are eggs
intimacy is boring. i have always felt this. not literally of course. but its like you are reaching this pinnacle then its like then what?being naked can only last so long then someone gets goosebumps and its awakrd. hoding hands is always about who is holding on tighter when which one of us is gonna let go first. i win. you loose. loneliness is what happens when we reject intimacy so its pretty much all my falt because francis hates holding hands. I've once loved someone so much I wanted to jump inside of there soul and wrap my arms around his artiries and all his wonderful icky insides. i wanted to write a book just with all the new words that I had invented to describe to you the ways that my heart leaps when i just here your footsteps. i kept telling myself :love is a disgusting word,and i am disgusting for feeling this way. its not true. i love everything about you.
on Thursday nights we would just get into fatimas red rented saturn and say in three exclamatiion points declare " lets get McDonald's!" so we would get all excited and turn on top 40 radio station and drive to a dogdy part of town where none of our cool friends would recognize us. wede pull in,roll down our window and wait for the womans voice to ask us " how may I take your order?" The thing about being in your 20s is you constantly think others actually care about what you do. therfore you always assume you are being judged. we are so aggorant.anyways, " how may i take your oder?...hello? helllo please place your order" we would giggle & look down at our 14% body fat and drive away. francis has issues. he hates being judged. but loves the attention. dont we all. not really.
the worst thing about everything is nothing