rabbit foot memory.

the last time
I referred to my first kiss
or the first time my hand was held by someone
other than a family member
I think I cried
not out of self pity
although that moment I had saved was stolen quite quickly
without my permission,of course.

he was lucky
he was an urge
a vast hole of testosterone
and i have always had large lips.


I was reminding myself
to stop looking at my watch
my hair was halfway up,quite dark
I kept spelling out the sen-tance

"get up,get up"

have I mentioned
I have remained.
yes,remained
quite,white.
avoiding the dark hallways
that host games
all through the night.

take yourself back to
summers
and hearts
that leaped
so willingly

take yourself back
to airports
and waiting to board
and leaving
and coming
and always leaving
and gingerale
and my phone is dead.
shoot.
and my phone..is.



now look at my face
have I not grown all these seeds myself?


now look down at your feet
you have been idle.
your hands your nose your heart your feet your face your hands your hair your ways.

now now now now.


look at my face


have you not known that I have only waited for you?



all these years and all these days.

ships rot,and shirts have lost their stiffness
around their colllar
around your face.




have you not known
I have only
ONLY.