the regret of mugs and railways.

oh i cant help it

i cant even look at coffee mugs the same way.
I saw my reflection
in the glass of a speeding car
the car stopped just for me
all i could do was notice how my eyes looked
like they were not my own
I cant stand it
i cant stand it
because it is not my fault
even though it always is.

you know that feeling
where you are in the middle of a huge argument
or you are just finishing a 4 mile run
toawrds the end you begin to check out
and your drained
and you want to cry
and you ask yourself
why would i push myself this,this hard?
is the end result really what i want
or does it turn me into the girl
with the eyes shooting back at her
in the reflection of this speeding car
who dosent even want to speed
in the first place.
I keep asking myself
telling myself
you have no time

you know that one person
you fell in love with
that onetime when you were so free
yeah well she wants him
and the universe is telling you
fight fight fight
but then you start sewing
or talking
or maybe your overseas
and then you find youself
so igsignificant
compared to the forgien architeture
and so small compared to the 747 carrying you
you (I) backout. freak out.and belive in a lie
that brings you back to
sitting on front steps
rejecting coffee
rejecting sewing
two things you love
2 things you dont need
2 things that are just things

and by now its mearly 4 o clock

and he is happy
and he is dancing
and you are sitting on that stoop
on those steps
27th and 7th
and your future is that homeless man
who keeps thinkin im just like him
just searchin for a stoop
to live
to lie
to steal
to sleep

no no i live here

yeah, so did i last week.

i guess we are all the same
i guess I do the right thing most of the time
i guess i am just as afraid as you are
I should of tried harder
why did i look at that building so long
why am I so afraid of trains,and all their ways
why cant i learn to speak your native tounge?

sometimes the only differnce between you and the worst person in the world is nothing.
and on wednesday i tend to oversleep.

i can still feel the same
if i go back to that place.

but i cant even look at coffee mugs.
I need to find a place to call home
perhaps alone,mostly alone.