the tone is:
abandoned carnival
one last clown. standing
in the smoke-
alone.
holding a bottle of jack,
a balloon giraffe
oh and that cynical
dollar store smile and laugh
the setting is dark
the elephants are dead
the freaks are free now
the cotton candy is gone
And the Ferris wheel's closed now that lila's dead.
And you utter again
i love you.
and i know the truth
your words: are just noise summoned by empty passion
romance you thought you learned
from a porno you saw once when you were young
if this is love. get the hell away from me.
i will love myself and mean it
i will hold myself and not break my own bones
i will forgive myself forever,
look myself dead in the eyes
and say:
Self, i love you.
purely and forever.
if you will not touch me now-
i will hold my own hand.
i fell in love with you years ago
and now that i've confessed
my affection
the empty feeling looms
and you leave me again
alone with myself and my own love.
holding my own hand forever
for better or worse
i will show you how to be good, how to be faithful
by being good to myself-faithful and true to my spirit.
i have hidden the word of of the lord deep down in my heart
you lack the ability
to love me properly
and you forget that i am made of dust and bone
i stand before you sustained
strong
alone.
nun hearted
dark forest
Calvary love.
watch the crimson hits the sand.
