roses infinity

depression does not stop existing

even when you find love

even when someone is holding you

with two strong arms

kissing you all over

saying: baby,I'm so sorry it took so long

but I'm here

I'm finally here.



i smile and feel safe inside his arms
the way he adores me seems to melt away
the pain
seems to calm the storms inside my chest 
Is this what love is? Healing laced with grace

depression will stay 
but it won't hurt the same 

I feel so safe, it's like you scare the demons away.

The same way you protect me 
from the men who prey when we go out on dates
I've managed to defend myself my whole life. 
But I've prayed and fasted for a man who would defend me and protect me, 
as if I was an irreplaceable crown,
like the jewel I know I am.

I prayed for this one trillion nights.

I begin to believe you when you tell me you've waited your whole life
for this moment
for me.
Your face tells me 
"Trust me"
So I trust with all my heart
Your touch shows me you need me
And my hands answer back 
I'm touching your face and my fingers are spelling out:
I need you too..but my god I want you!

Your glowing olive skin smells like peace and sandalwood
smells like amber, orchids and sweet mango trees overseas
you smell like the garden of eden 
before sin existed.You smell like love. 
Your smell reminds me of my favorite place. 
One I've never been to. I'm realizing now this place is you. 
Your mouth whispers to me tenderly 
your words could be anything
 but all I hear is a masterpiece,I hear symphonies.

I trust you. I love you. You don't know this yet but I'm telling you with my eyes everyday. I'll say it out loud when I get a little more brave.

All of my past loves were liars, actors, knock off versions of who I desire. 
But the heartbreak they caused was worth it.
The scars I wear now: remnants. 
from all the wars that led me to you. 

I would take every bit of the pain again
if that meant you would be there in the end.

All of my wounds brought me to you. 
my blood and tears were not in vain
they were seeds planted 
that grew from beneath the cracks in the concrete into flowers!
They are the single blossom on the top of an icy mountain. 
Against all odds: life is made 

And g-d does work all things together for the good.
Hallelujah for the battles. 

All the loss in my life, no longer centerpiece

From loving you: I have gained more than I knew existed or deserved.
Oh how I love grace.
No one compares to you.

I show him my wounds 
One by one
I undress my 
Pain for him 
I reveal my shame to him 

And he looks at me, like really looks at me...and his face is soft.. and his eyes still glow for me
despite how vulnerable i am. he looks at me  the way every woman wants to be looked at.
his face says it all...i feel a lifting.i sense a healing
but is it only a butterfly kiss band aid?
will this chase the darkness away?
I wonder 
But my god I believe in miracles 
So with all of my heart I wish for him to stay 
may it last forever
despite the wounds I hide underneath my bandages. 

every kiss of his is anointed. His lips are healing oil, heaven made medicine
he is the rain falling on California forest fires. 

My whole life flashed before my eyes when I met you. 
And I saw the future through the dim lights of the restaurant 
when we had our very first date.
And I barely ate! 

The future was filling me up.


My hope was rising from the ashes 

The stone was rolling away
My faith resurrected!
love soaring

Remember when this story started out? the theme was depression

ha!

Love is always the catalyst for something. Mostly it's pain 
But when it swings the other way
It's the catalyst for change.

Love is soaring for all of us 


There will be miracles here today


x