baby's first weep.

the first year i fell in love was real missing puzzle piece vibes.
the same kinda feeling you get when you hear your favorite song for the very first time:
the chorus is what you've been singing a lifetime without music
its just an understanding
it resonates deep within you
your whole body absorbing  

The first time I fell in love and the first time my heart was ripped out of my chest without any warning both have their own melody.
Falling in love
The Start & The Finish 
never produces your best work.
Something about contentment
your audience loses interest.

Heartbreak produces the best work of your life
Because when he called the whole thing off and you wept for 8 days straight because he doesn't love you at all. 
You throw up because rejection can feel like a poison
Really when I think about it no one was created to store rejection in their bodies…it has no place in the brain or veins or DNA. 
You pause life because you're in too much pain to move.
You love someone who does not love you back and one night you weep harder than you did the day you came into this world.

You weep for the hearts you've led on…then lost. 

you can write about this
foreign objects and blood forever.

Flashback to the Hudson river 
when you spoke without a hint of life in your voice. 
You weren't a person in this moment. 
You were a forest fire
burning history books and homes with memories and pictures and promises inside.

You were a gas leak burning down that apartment on the upper east,29th and 9th,the l.e.s
Sleepwalking through times square 
fazed and dazed forever
slurry speech 
5 am Tribeca.

And all the gardens of hope that once bloomed around
and within you-
are ashes and dust.

Music playing in the taxi
you kick the cabby's seat
(both feet)
 because this song triggers you into mania
the melody you wrote in your deepest sea of sadness
so if you wanted to be happy
you couldn't
and if you could change everything you ever did on this island...

you wouldn't.