YOUR WORDS KILLED. HIS WORDS HEALED.

JUNE 21/JUNE 22.2013

there is no training camp
for love like romances
for heart quakes and heart aches
read my face 
tell me this is not a face
that did long for you.
that did wait for you.
interviewing me on:
'the shame of my youth '
'the weight of my sin'
i was honest and you were
just adding up my mistakes.
the truth is
 i have ached
for the wrong ones
then the right
and whose to say you?…or you?! ….or YOU ever loved me?
the point is
i meant all those kind words i said to you
every word and every look
and i wouldn't take them back
even now
or in 30 years
even when our memories of one another
are old and past due
even when our faces have changed
and we both are grey
when i think of you
i think of pain
and that's alright
i wish you well
I cross my heart that when i said you were wonderful
you were.

THIS BRAND NEW ROMANCE 
was only just a bloom when you left me
to bury it alone-
sobbing
states away you are 
smiling
hearing my name and drawing a blank.
The irony of you is this:
the seed you planted in my 
secret garden heart
you aborted
you ripped it out
heart beat
tiny feet
black bagged it fast
the only witness was a sewer rat
back alley 
the monday morning lottery
the trash man's biggest fear 
you left the unborn
the premature seed
of ours
alone
dead along with
front pages of newspapers stained by
bloody babies and south american rabies
the headlines that day said there was a 60% chance of rain
and lindsay lohan was doing better in rehab turns out she's okay she's not really insane.
ONE WEEK LATER
proud and justified
picket sign and textbook lines
casting stones left and right
look at you
with a bloody left hand 
holding that damn picket sign
and with your right hand
clutching your grandfathers bible
the one you use to store your knives
now I've made myself sick
thinking you are doing so much right
you are no better than pro choice speakers
wife beaters,homosexual leaders
LOOK AT MY LEGS
LOOK AT MY HANDS 
MY STOMACH
MY FACE
i am rotting
from the remains of something you
planted. it could have been beautiful
it would have been fruitful.

you were once wonderful 
you are now just an ache
a memory so strong
i can't sleep
i just bleed
and i can't sleep
because i am still in pain
you were once wonderful.

day
vs.
night

jekyll and hyde

i read your letter a week later
i forgive you for being a killer
for being cruel
and yes i was kind
but i am not a fool
your letter was robotic
and i hope you never make another 
loving heart break the way you broke mine
that second time.

please forget me and burn this letter
i just needed to say it on paper.

today is my birthday and i wished for the phone to ring.

because the difference between us is:
you are blinded by my flaws
so you refuse to love me
and i can see you completely
but chose to love you
the way Christ loved us

for whatever it's worth
 today is my birthday- and i wished for you

to be well.