i tried to recall all of you that night
the moon turned red
the world stopped
then sped and sped
a hollow face
with pink undertones
i was so warm
you always said
and
i was turning red
because your touch was like kerosene
and my blood was lit up
with your very presence
standing in the driveway
father to daughter
the showdown of all showdowns
and i fear
the very thought of
the line in the sand
but that night the line was all that I had
it has taken me almost 2 months
to remember everything
i thought i knew that night
the last time i saw you
i barley smiled i just stared at you blankly
told you "i'll see you in awhile.'
next time I see you i'll be older than i am tonight
colder
don't wait
i kept saying
go away
and i wish i could
i wish it was me
on the plane
holding the passport
being pushed away
i wish it was me
on the other end of the line
hearing those words
i spoke that cut me
more than they cut you
still i wish it was me
holding a passport
leaving this country
instead
i cried so much to think someone could love me
after you left
i didn't speak
i wouldn't eat and I couldn't breathe-
i just felt dead
i cried even more that night in my bed
days go by and i stay cold
and i stay dead.
