the piano knows too much. she has a mind of her own.
lately i've been drawing all these pictures that look alot like paintings i've seen before and they all resemble my insides and the ones i've done with faces look like me mostly in the eyes. i hate hate hate how people rhyme when they write music. where is the sentiment in that? anyways i put the pen down and started writing about the same thing,you. maybe i went crazy a very verrrry long time ago,and i think i knew it and maybe you did too when you first met me,maybe you should have stopped me. or held my mouth shut. or hugged me or told me a story to distract me from doing ....this.
its getting very hard to go to sleep. the bed is cold,my brain burns,my heart races,the bed is hot,the bed is empty,my hands ache,my lips swell,my hair is up,my hair down,the lights turn on,they turn on,my stomach is empty,my head is still burning.you are cruel and you like it. you can't just wish me well. you can't just tell me to go to sleep. i wish i could stop drawing or writing. i wish i could stop alot of things. i've been sad too long,you know? these falcons keep saying everything is really beautiful and nice and there are so many ways i could explain it. im very tired and my bones hurt and im not even old yet. im only old when i rest and think about how much i miss my health and i think about how fascinating you are. Extraordinarily handsome,and when you speak....you just speak at all the right times. i felt like i was going to just burst with all this happiness the first time we were alone.i watched the world disappear. i wanted to write it all down and just hug and kiss everyone and give all my money to the poor and live off of the earth and just kinda stay in a field and be happy always with you. anyways,this is all getting quite whimsical of me. i just think things should be simple even though we like to pretend that they aren't. you have to use alot of words and talk alot and think alot in order to have substance you know? you gotta e v o l v e. you gotta grow your hair out and go back and forth from extremes. you leave the city of new york and you just kinda.....freak out. because everything is so fun in new york. and nature...well...its not that fun....you gotta have alot of patience to tolerate the silence and the leaves. and you have to become some sort of artist if you aren't already because if you don't then you just become one of those girls that marries because she wants out of her parents house and she has no real passion. so here i go. i got passion. i got dark eyebrows and large pupils and i got the rest of the night to fall back in love. i wish i could fall asleep. sos falcon. sos.