2:25 am

i woke up with my claws out
screaming into my pillow
fighting off hands
weight
fighting screaming gasping
i could even feel a face.
the scruff of a beard
I felt breath on my neck
hands on my waist

i wake up to nothing
go back to sleep

then its
hands pushin
force force force
screaming
hands hands hands
repeat repeat.

part of me wants to remember
why I am haunted this way
most of me knows that its better
to have all of my memory erased.
(the irony of the post below this..baffles me)
I wish I was a little girl again
I just want to climb into my mothers bed and cry
and have her scratch my back and tell me its okay

i just want to hold someones hand
and have them protect me from
this mystery face
the tormenting
all the battles the night brings
the minute I shut my eyes to sleep.

I have never in my life
felt this outside
myself
felt this
outside
of everything.


like a wind that comes up behind you
knocking you off your feet
except the moment you stand up
the wind puts himself on repeat

that is my bedtime story